Every new year comes with new goals and new beginnings. There is a reason why divorce lawyers have a predictable uptick in calls every January. If you are contemplating divorce in 2021, first consider the following:

1. Discernment Counseling/ Healing Separation: Discernment counseling is for couples where either both spouses or one spouse has doubts or concerns with proceeding with a divorce. It is not marriage counseling, intended to solve marital issues. It is a process whereby spouses can learn to look at the relationship with clarity and come to a confident decision as to whether to proceed with a divorce or work towards restoring the marriage. A healing separation is a process wherein the partners can work on themselves and simultaneously explore cultivating a new relationship with one another while physically separated. It's a structured time apart. Both of these processes are options for couples in crisis and while not all couples who engage in these processes live happily ever ever, those who do gain the clarity needed to move forward with confidence.

2.Divorce Options: If you and your spouse decide to proceed with the divorce, you need to agree upon the legal process you will use to assist you through the process. Understand the differences between litigation, mediation and collaborative divorce. Speak to professionals in your state trained in the non-adversarial divorce process. Attend divorce 101 workshops, many of which are being offered online. Ask how the Courts have been impacted during the pandemic and how that will affect your divorce. Understand the pros and cons of each process. If you and your partner are committed to a respectful, compassionate divorce, one that best serves your children and sets the family up for positive divorce lives, make sure the professionals you hire understand your goals and desires and that you hire professionals whose practices align with your families' wishes.

3. Finances:Get organized and make sure you and your spouse have a full understanding of the families' finances. Engage the assistance of a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) to assist with the financial documentation, information and decisions you will need to make.

4. Emotions: Divorce is not easy. Even in the best of circumstances, it is emotionally exhausting. Make sure you have a support team, friends or professionals, such as a therapist or divorce coach, who can help you in managing the difficult emotions you will experience so that you can make well informed and well thought out decisions through the process.

5. Your children: The most important part of any divorce is the children. If your state requires a parenting education course, take it as early in the process as you can, and with your spouse! You and your spouse will continue to be co-parents to your children. Do everything you can to give them a conflict free divorce. 

For more information on what you need to know before initiating a divorce action, please register for our next divorce workshop, Divorce Resource CT.

Rosemarie Ferrante