What do you do when you are certain that divorce is the right path for your family, but your spouse isn’t on board? While it is typical for one spouse to be a few steps ahead of the other in the decision to move forward with divorce, dragging someone (or being dragged through) the divorce process is a recipe for disaster. The emotional “prep work” is critical for ensuring a smooth legal process. So, what are your options when you are ready, but your spouse is ambivalent?

Discernment counseling is an option for mixed agenda couples (one “leaning out” of the relationship and reluctant to work on the relationship in therapy, and the other “leaning in,” wanting to preserve the relationship and begin therapy). Discernment counseling is not couples’ therapy, instead, it is focused on helping each partner in a marriage gain clarity on how they would like to proceed, including whether they would like to maintain their current situation, discuss restructuring the family, or pursue couple’s therapy before making a final decision.

Other potential options for couples who are not both ready to proceed with divorce include considering a trial or long-term separation. A “healing (or therapeutic) separation” is where a couple agrees to separate for a set period of time in order to see how living apart impacts their lives; whether it feels like the right path forward or whether it allows the couple to work on and resolve issues that might otherwise lead to divorce. It may also be used as a time to allow couples to mentally and emotionally prepare for the realities of a divorce before actually beginning the divorce process. While a healing separation can be very helpful in allowing a couple to prepare for divorce or work on their marital issues, it is important to set clear written expectations and rules by agreement from the start of the process.

If you or your spouse are considering the possibility of a divorce but uncertain about whether you are ready to move forward, you can consult with a non-adversarial Connecticut divorce attorney who understands that the less contentious options available for couples in Connecticut are often the better choice, and can help advise you on possible paths forward.

At the Divorce Mediation Center of Fairfield County, LLC, our family law attorneys understand how intimidating and challenging divorce and divorce mediation can seem and can help you explore available options if one or both partners is not yet willing to pursue a mediated divorce. If you have questions about divorce or divorce mediation, please call our Westport office at or contact us online anytime.